She suddenly fell into a coma and stopped breathing. Even at that critical moment, her heart continued to beat
desperately, as if it was crying out, "I'm hanging in! I won't give up!"
Although an artificial respirator was being used to keep her alive, her face bore a calm expression, as if she
was sleeping comfortably. I wanted her to open her eyes wide and smile at us. I wanted us to talk together with our eyes, even for just one more time.
"Aya, please look at me! Can you feel Mom's warmth?"
Even though we knew there was no hope, we've managed to overcome so many hardships in the past . . . It seems too cruel to end like this . . . It's so sad! . . . If you're leaving us soon, Aya, you should say goodbye to
us . . . Aya, can you understand what I'm saying?
But she did not respond to our words or our touch.
Your sisters, your brothers and Dad and I are all here. But we can only watch you. There's nothing we can do to
help you . . . If only we could relieve you of even a little of your pain . . . Our bodies are twisted with
sadness . . .
Aya's blood pressure started going down. Her heartbeat got slower as if it's energy was fading away. I was
trying to tell myself that the time was approaching to part from Aya in this world. I was wondering what kind
of state she would want to be in when she ended her life.
We switched on her favorite radio cassette deck beside her pillow.
It was around midnight.
Surrounded by her parents, her sisters and her brothers, listening to classical music with the volume turned
down so that it wouldn't disturb anyone in the other rooms . . .
The ripple mark on the electrocardiogram suddenly became a straight line.
I remembered the words Aya had said before her condition deteriorated:
"It would be so nice to fade away like falling asleep on a beautiful carped of flowers listening to my favorite
[ Aya passed away at 00:55 an May 23rd, 1988.]
-'Arigato' (Thank you) -
From Aya's diary